1
00:00:16,639 --> 00:00:18,406
Two minutes, ladies and gentlemen.
2
00:00:18,457 --> 00:00:22,230
The performance will begin
in two minutes. Thank you.
3
00:00:37,875 --> 00:00:40,804
Please take your seats immediately,
ladies and gentlemen.
4
00:00:40,855 --> 00:00:44,484
The performance is about to begin.
Thank you.
5
00:00:53,667 --> 00:00:56,038
Ladies and gentlemen,
6
00:00:56,143 --> 00:00:59,177
Mr Ron Anderson!
7
00:01:33,002 --> 00:01:34,002
Thank you.
8
00:01:34,053 --> 00:01:37,221
Ladies and gentlemen,
it is important to understand
9
00:01:37,272 --> 00:01:40,862
the kind of damage that
physical violence can do to the head.
10
00:01:41,208 --> 00:01:45,534
And Mr Perkins here has kindly
volunteered to help me demonstrate.
11
00:01:45,667 --> 00:01:47,492
This, for example...
12
00:01:47,750 --> 00:01:49,623
will do no real damage.
13
00:01:49,750 --> 00:01:51,824
Whereas this...
14
00:01:51,958 --> 00:01:54,791
could result in some
minor superficial bruising.
15
00:01:54,917 --> 00:01:57,323
And, of course, this...
16
00:01:57,458 --> 00:02:00,291
will probably break a bone or two.
17
00:02:00,417 --> 00:02:02,159
Whereas...
18
00:02:02,292 --> 00:02:04,414
an iron bar...
19
00:02:06,583 --> 00:02:10,198
will result in certain death,
as in this case.
20
00:02:20,619 --> 00:02:23,205
What in the name of arse
is going on?
21
00:02:23,256 --> 00:02:27,749
- Yeah, sorry. Touch of hay fever.
- Touch of brain damage, I'd say.
22
00:02:27,875 --> 00:02:33,103
You're performing like five kinds
of shit tonight. Get out of my sight.
23
00:03:06,375 --> 00:03:09,326
Don't worry, Dex.
Everyone has off nights.
24
00:03:10,750 --> 00:03:13,369
Once I drop
bloody great stage weight.
25
00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:15,989
Killed two actors.
Could happen to anybody.
26
00:03:16,125 --> 00:03:18,578
Yeah. Thanks, Charlie.
Thanks.
27
00:03:26,958 --> 00:03:28,997
- How many?
- About 30.
28
00:03:30,333 --> 00:03:32,525
Let's do it.
29
00:04:35,083 --> 00:04:37,323
(mimics Fred Flintstone)
Wilma!
30
00:04:41,583 --> 00:04:43,990
(mimics Barney Rubble)
Sorry, Fred.
31
00:04:59,208 --> 00:05:02,539
- Good evening, Mr Morrow.
- Good evening, Dexter.
32
00:05:02,765 --> 00:05:05,915
What a life!
Blind, and allergic to his guide dog.
33
00:05:28,750 --> 00:05:31,121
- Evenin'.
- How do you do?
34
00:05:47,708 --> 00:05:51,536
Yeah, hello, Dexter. This is Piers.
I wanted to ask you a big favour.
35
00:05:51,667 --> 00:05:53,575
Could you poss-
36
00:05:53,708 --> 00:05:56,576
Hello, Dex? This is Piers again.
Thought I'd just check.
37
00:05:56,708 --> 00:05:59,624
I think there might be
something wrong with your -
38
00:05:59,750 --> 00:06:02,030
Dex, Piers again.
Your machine is definitely faulty.
39
00:06:02,081 --> 00:06:03,804
Please ring me back.
I need you desperately.
40
00:06:03,921 --> 00:06:06,132
My new number is 735-3...
41
00:06:10,458 --> 00:06:12,911
Is there any water in here?
42
00:06:13,042 --> 00:06:15,080
Try the tap.
43
00:06:20,083 --> 00:06:22,122
Thanks.
44
00:06:28,750 --> 00:06:31,890
Now, speaking of rubber brings me neatly
on to our final guest this evening.
45
00:06:31,945 --> 00:06:33,729
That's right.
It's old Rubber Face himself.
46
00:06:33,780 --> 00:06:37,124
Please welcome the wacky wonder
of the West End, Mr Ron Anderson.
47
00:06:37,958 --> 00:06:41,242
"lots of nuts
in every chunky, chewy bite!
48
00:06:44,667 --> 00:06:47,499
- Oh, my God.
- Try new Lotsa Nuts.
49
00:06:47,625 --> 00:06:49,913
They'll drive you nutty!
50
00:06:55,292 --> 00:06:57,117
Ah.
51
00:07:00,208 --> 00:07:01,999
Darling!
52
00:07:03,292 --> 00:07:05,247
How is my favourite man?
53
00:07:05,375 --> 00:07:09,831
Oh, well, not great. The television's
been taken over by Ron Anderson,
54
00:07:09,958 --> 00:07:11,192
the answering machine's
55
00:07:11,243 --> 00:07:14,239
finally winning its war
of attrition against my social life
56
00:07:14,292 --> 00:07:17,388
and the fridge is
so full of living things
57
00:07:17,439 --> 00:07:18,907
it looks like
the Muppet Show.
58
00:07:18,958 --> 00:07:20,582
You poor sweet thing.
59
00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:26,789
Also there seems to be a naked plumber
testing out our toilet facilities.
60
00:07:26,917 --> 00:07:29,535
No, no, that's George.
61
00:07:29,667 --> 00:07:34,335
I think he's rather sweet.
Must get some provisions.
62
00:07:34,483 --> 00:07:36,085
I'd be careful. I'm telling you...
63
00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:39,015
there's a piece of cheese in there
that's actually grown ears.
64
00:07:43,708 --> 00:07:45,996
- George, this is Dexter.
- Hi.
65
00:07:46,125 --> 00:07:47,784
Hi.
66
00:07:47,917 --> 00:07:49,955
Oh. Sorry.
67
00:07:51,708 --> 00:07:53,617
Hay fever season again.
68
00:07:53,750 --> 00:07:56,203
Dexter's allergic to everything
to do with the summer.
69
00:07:56,333 --> 00:07:58,372
Except "The Beach Boys".
70
00:08:06,583 --> 00:08:09,120
I thought we were
out of orange juice.
71
00:08:12,750 --> 00:08:16,874
- Shouldn't you have some injections?
- I should, but I can't stand them.
72
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:20,538
If it was a choice between rabies
and having an injection...
73
00:08:20,589 --> 00:08:22,407
I think I'd give rabies a try.
74
00:08:22,458 --> 00:08:24,549
It's all in the mind,
anyway.
75
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:28,022
What you need, sweet one,
is a lovely girlfriend.
76
00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:32,702
You used to know lots of gorgeous girls.
Why don't we have one of them round?
77
00:08:33,028 --> 00:08:35,517
Because I never
liked any of 'em.
78
00:08:43,250 --> 00:08:45,289
Happy?
79
00:08:51,042 --> 00:08:53,578
Pump me...
Pump me, Mr Petrol!
80
00:09:01,083 --> 00:09:03,620
It's called
"Birth of the Earth Mother".
81
00:09:06,375 --> 00:09:08,947
I am not drunk!
82
00:10:12,117 --> 00:10:16,359
'Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the house
83
00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:18,740
Not a creature was stirring,
84
00:10:18,875 --> 00:10:21,826
Not even a mouse.
85
00:10:26,542 --> 00:10:29,114
- You've come about the hay fever?
- That's right.
86
00:10:29,250 --> 00:10:32,000
I want to really crack it this year.
87
00:10:32,125 --> 00:10:34,164
Excellent.
88
00:10:35,292 --> 00:10:37,828
Do you mind
if Dr Karabekian sits in with us?
89
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,835
- No. Not at all.
- Excellent.
90
00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:47,831
Now, Mr King is allergic
to pretty well everything.
91
00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:52,865
Dust, dust mites, most grasses,
cats, dogs, feathers.
92
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:56,781
- What do you suggest?
- Some sort of psycho-nasal therapy?
93
00:10:57,007 --> 00:10:59,667
I think we'll stick
to the straight and narrow.
94
00:10:59,858 --> 00:11:05,030
If you give this to the nurse,
we'll start the injections tomorrow.
95
00:11:05,167 --> 00:11:07,869
Ah. Yes.
Um, Doctor?
96
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:11,157
I was wondering if there was
any alternative to the shots.
97
00:11:11,208 --> 00:11:15,285
I mean... really.
I just hate the things.
98
00:11:16,208 --> 00:11:19,788
- May I ask why?
- Well... because they hurt.
99
00:11:21,042 --> 00:11:24,574
- They hurt?
- Yeah. They do. Ow.
100
00:11:24,625 --> 00:11:27,659
Oh, very well.
I'll give you tablets instead.
101
00:11:28,375 --> 00:11:31,409
Perhaps sometime Mr King
would like to come in
102
00:11:31,542 --> 00:11:34,706
and discuss the psychological reasons
why he hates shots.
103
00:11:34,936 --> 00:11:37,288
No. Really, it's just
because they hurt.
104
00:11:37,991 --> 00:11:40,866
The thought of somebody sticking
something into me drives me crazy.
105
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,572
I think the sooner we talk
about this phobia, the better.
106
00:11:43,708 --> 00:11:46,541
It's not a phobia.
It's just that I hate the damn things.
107
00:11:46,667 --> 00:11:48,789
That's the definition of a phobia.
108
00:11:48,967 --> 00:11:53,424
- Do you have a girlfriend, Mr King?
- No, as a matter of fact I do not.
109
00:11:53,542 --> 00:11:56,078
Ah.
110
00:11:56,208 --> 00:11:57,729
Excuse me...
wait a sec, wait a minute.
111
00:11:57,780 --> 00:12:00,049
There's nothing suspicious about it.
I just happen to hate injections,
112
00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:03,600
in the same way that some people
hate aeroplanes or spiders
113
00:12:03,692 --> 00:12:06,691
or having electrodes
attached to the scrotum.
114
00:12:07,583 --> 00:12:09,622
- Tragic.
- Ah.
115
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,916
I think the sooner you come back,
the better.
116
00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:17,410
Thanks.
117
00:12:17,542 --> 00:12:19,995
But no, thanks.
118
00:12:25,500 --> 00:12:28,996
Look, we're a train.
119
00:12:34,375 --> 00:12:37,575
Could you hold this for a minute?
120
00:12:39,208 --> 00:12:42,906
No worry, nurse. The patient is taking
pills instead of injections. Who's next?
121
00:12:43,042 --> 00:12:46,960
- I think I saw Mrs Cartwright waiting.
- Oh, God, yes. Poor thing.
122
00:12:47,702 --> 00:12:49,580
- Thanks.
- You're very welcome.
123
00:12:49,669 --> 00:12:52,750
Don't mention it,
your Royal Highness.
124
00:12:54,125 --> 00:12:56,661
You can get your pills
at the dispensary.
125
00:12:59,226 --> 00:13:01,265
Whoo, whoo!
126
00:13:09,741 --> 00:13:12,579
Ah, Mrs Cartwright.
Do take a seat.
127
00:13:13,250 --> 00:13:16,699
Tell me, has any of the hair
started growing back yet?
128
00:13:17,458 --> 00:13:21,998
On second thought, Doctor, hey, I mean
a few little pricks never hurt anybody.
129
00:13:22,833 --> 00:13:25,007
- Carmen?
- Dexter!
130
00:13:33,569 --> 00:13:36,036
- Something incredible's happened.
- What's that?
131
00:13:36,167 --> 00:13:39,995
- I've fallen in love.
- Who with?!
132
00:13:40,125 --> 00:13:42,448
- She's a nurse.
- Well, it's a good start.
133
00:13:42,583 --> 00:13:45,944
But... what am I going to do?
I mean...
134
00:13:46,311 --> 00:13:49,219
The last time I really went for
anybody I was wearing flared trousers.
135
00:13:49,375 --> 00:13:53,831
You must behave like a real bastard.
Men fall into two categories.
136
00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:58,119
Wet and keen, or bastards.
The bastards always get the girls.
137
00:13:58,250 --> 00:14:01,284
- How do bastards behave these days?
- Really badly.
138
00:14:01,335 --> 00:14:04,123
Take her out to dinner,
bonk her to within an inch of her life,
139
00:14:04,174 --> 00:14:05,815
then never ring her again.
140
00:14:06,708 --> 00:14:08,291
You think that's
the correct procedure?
141
00:14:08,378 --> 00:14:10,604
Hell, yes,
if you want true love.
142
00:14:11,050 --> 00:14:13,373
Look, can we get on?
143
00:14:13,552 --> 00:14:15,046
Oh.
144
00:14:22,292 --> 00:14:27,411
- How do I look, Mr M?
- Excellent. Never seen you look better.
145
00:14:28,310 --> 00:14:30,384
Never seen him at all.
146
00:14:46,825 --> 00:14:49,693
Come on, you mean bastard.
Come on.
147
00:14:50,958 --> 00:14:53,246
- It's hay fever, isn't it?
- That's right.
148
00:14:53,375 --> 00:14:56,456
Good. Could you
roll up your sleeve, please?
149
00:15:02,745 --> 00:15:05,198
It's going to hurt... now.
150
00:15:08,125 --> 00:15:10,247
There we are.
Come back in a week.
151
00:15:11,167 --> 00:15:13,205
- Bye.
- Bye.
152
00:15:17,521 --> 00:15:21,432
- Did you ask her?
- Not as such.
153
00:15:22,750 --> 00:15:24,835
I suddenly felt overawed
by her uniform.
154
00:15:24,990 --> 00:15:27,392
Under the circumstances,
asking her if it would be ok if I...
155
00:15:27,443 --> 00:15:29,147
bonked her within
an inch of her life...
156
00:15:29,198 --> 00:15:31,866
seemed...
an oddish thing to do.
157
00:15:31,917 --> 00:15:36,290
Yes. Pity about that.
Uniforms always make me keener.
158
00:15:36,417 --> 00:15:39,416
- Don't they, Inspector?
- Certainly do, ma'am.
159
00:15:39,542 --> 00:15:41,450
Still, next week, eh?
160
00:15:41,577 --> 00:15:43,944
Yes, yes.
No, I reckon next week for sure.
161
00:15:43,995 --> 00:15:46,989
Now listen, I've sized up the strength
of the enemy forces.
162
00:15:47,125 --> 00:15:49,792
Next week I go for first strike,
all-out victory.
163
00:15:50,034 --> 00:15:51,405
Sleeve.
164
00:16:00,750 --> 00:16:02,575
Bye.
165
00:16:02,708 --> 00:16:04,664
Bye.
166
00:16:05,020 --> 00:16:07,260
I mean, Jesus H Candlesticks,
167
00:16:07,447 --> 00:16:09,159
four weeks of injections
and all I've managed are...
168
00:16:09,210 --> 00:16:11,054
two "hellos" and
one "sorry I'm late".
169
00:16:11,667 --> 00:16:13,906
Come on, it's not so difficult.
170
00:16:14,042 --> 00:16:18,083
Practise it with me.
I'm your nurse. Come on.
171
00:16:18,208 --> 00:16:20,330
OK. Uh...
172
00:16:20,450 --> 00:16:22,797
- Do you want to go out to dinner?
- Yes please.
173
00:16:22,907 --> 00:16:24,546
I think she might put up
a little more resistance.
174
00:16:24,609 --> 00:16:26,124
Oh, OK, OK.
175
00:16:27,667 --> 00:16:31,155
- What are you doing?
- I'm playing hard-to-get kind of chick.
176
00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:34,330
OK.
177
00:16:35,333 --> 00:16:38,699
- Do you want to go out to dinner?
- Hm...
178
00:16:38,833 --> 00:16:42,117
Yes please, Mr Sexy.
OK, let's do it now!
179
00:16:43,167 --> 00:16:46,580
- Much harder.
- You see? And if still you have trouble,
180
00:16:46,723 --> 00:16:50,800
do what I do, you know? Like, tell her
you're a big West-End star, chat her up.
181
00:16:50,917 --> 00:16:54,496
The lights, the celebs,
the smell of the greasy paint...
182
00:16:54,667 --> 00:16:56,741
Hey, hey, that's a thought.
183
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:02,911
If you do not get this woman,
you are a mouse, not a man.
184
00:17:04,792 --> 00:17:08,490
Say, are you a fan of, uh...
Ron Anderson's?
185
00:17:08,625 --> 00:17:10,460
Who?
186
00:17:16,458 --> 00:17:19,208
- Squeak.
- Scalpel.
187
00:17:19,333 --> 00:17:21,289
Clamp.
188
00:17:21,417 --> 00:17:23,372
My God!
189
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:26,617
- What is it, sir?
- Well, this is extraordinary. Look.
190
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:29,532
We have a ribcage...
191
00:17:29,583 --> 00:17:32,120
kidney... spleen...
192
00:17:33,250 --> 00:17:35,822
but absolutely no spine.
193
00:17:35,958 --> 00:17:38,530
You mean the patient's... spineless?
194
00:17:38,667 --> 00:17:42,365
That's right.
Utterly and totally spineless.
195
00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:43,875
I know. I know.
196
00:17:44,171 --> 00:17:46,293
I know!
197
00:17:49,216 --> 00:17:50,218
Carmen!
198
00:17:51,708 --> 00:17:53,460
Carmen, what am I going to do?
199
00:17:53,991 --> 00:17:57,046
I've been going for seven weeks now.
I don't even know her name.
200
00:17:57,208 --> 00:17:59,117
- You'll have to have more shots.
- No!
201
00:17:59,250 --> 00:18:01,739
Yes. Say you're going on holiday.
202
00:18:01,875 --> 00:18:04,632
Some of these African places need
hundreds of injections.
203
00:18:04,695 --> 00:18:07,955
- That's right, isn't it, Bernard?
- Um, yes, it is.
204
00:18:08,333 --> 00:18:11,201
He's shy.
A few more jabs, you'll get the nerve.
205
00:18:11,333 --> 00:18:13,958
No! It's ridiculous.
206
00:18:14,009 --> 00:18:16,532
She's a nurse. It's not like I'm
making a pass at Mother Teresa.
207
00:18:16,583 --> 00:18:18,906
- I quite fancy Mother Teresa.
- Bernard!
208
00:18:19,042 --> 00:18:21,993
I mean, all I have to do is say,
"Do you want to come to dinner?", right?
209
00:18:22,125 --> 00:18:24,827
Absolutely. Then shag her
till her ears drop off.
210
00:18:24,950 --> 00:18:28,445
- Well, it's along those lines.
- Not too much to expect from Superman.
211
00:18:28,583 --> 00:18:31,665
Exactly!
The time for hesitation's through.
212
00:18:31,716 --> 00:18:32,824
I...
213
00:18:32,875 --> 00:18:36,324
Screw Africa too! I walk in there,
say, "Baby, I dig you the most."
214
00:18:36,505 --> 00:18:38,543
Right. Screw Africa!
215
00:18:40,263 --> 00:18:42,881
- Morocco?
- That's right.
216
00:18:43,083 --> 00:18:45,288
Why do you
want to go there?
217
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,616
Why?
218
00:18:47,750 --> 00:18:50,286
Oh, jeez, lots of reasons.
219
00:18:51,708 --> 00:18:55,785
I think Joe Orton used to go there
to pick up little boys.
220
00:18:55,917 --> 00:18:59,531
Course, that's not why I'm going there.
I hate little boys.
221
00:18:59,667 --> 00:19:02,666
Well, not hate them. I mean,
I just don't feel strongly about them.
222
00:19:02,792 --> 00:19:06,536
I believe the climate... is excellent.
223
00:19:06,667 --> 00:19:08,085
Very good linen goods.
224
00:19:08,136 --> 00:19:11,123
And they have a festival, I think,
around this time of the year.
225
00:19:11,250 --> 00:19:14,331
- Colourful costumes, that kind of thing.
- When are you off?
226
00:19:14,458 --> 00:19:15,811
Not for quite a while!
227
00:19:16,194 --> 00:19:19,632
As long as it takes for us
to get this series of shots done.
228
00:19:19,958 --> 00:19:23,123
Oh, it's not really a series.
I can give you all five today.
229
00:19:23,250 --> 00:19:26,331
Five? Today?
Not come back?
230
00:19:26,458 --> 00:19:27,785
Mm-hm.
231
00:19:27,921 --> 00:19:30,480
It would be six,
but polio's just a sugar lump now.
232
00:19:30,531 --> 00:19:32,032
And then there's
gamma globulin, tetanus,
233
00:19:32,090 --> 00:19:33,569
cholera, typhoid and TB.
234
00:19:33,627 --> 00:19:35,741
And at the moment we're
recommending yellow fever as well.
235
00:19:35,792 --> 00:19:39,869
- Oh, well, that would be six, then.
- Now, which arm don't you need?
236
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:43,283
- I'm going to lose an arm?
- No, which arm do you use least?
237
00:19:43,417 --> 00:19:47,198
I use them both. I mean, you know,
even when I'm walking. See? Look.
238
00:19:47,333 --> 00:19:49,905
No, no, no. No! Uh...
239
00:19:50,042 --> 00:19:53,242
The thing is... the thing is...
240
00:19:53,375 --> 00:19:57,831
all these weeks I've been coming here
I've been wanting to ask you something.
241
00:19:57,958 --> 00:20:00,826
What I really want to know... is...
242
00:20:02,250 --> 00:20:06,706
- What's your name?
- Kate... Lemon. It's a horrid name.
243
00:20:06,816 --> 00:20:09,732
No, not at all.
It could have been worse.
244
00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:13,999
You could have been called
Hitler or Tampon or something.
245
00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:21,865
- Kate, we need you. A cardiac.
- OK. Sorry. I'll be back.
246
00:20:23,675 --> 00:20:25,698
Tampon? No, no!
247
00:20:25,833 --> 00:20:29,448
God, take my testicles
and fry them up with bacon!
248
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,288
Mr King! Hello!
249
00:20:34,792 --> 00:20:36,972
Nurse Lemon's been
detained a little while, I'm afraid.
250
00:20:37,027 --> 00:20:39,870
So I'm going to stand in for her,
if that's all right with you.
251
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,441
- Are you sure you're qualified?
- Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
252
00:20:43,067 --> 00:20:45,769
I'm really getting
the hang of all this now.
253
00:20:45,917 --> 00:20:47,955
There we are. There.
254
00:20:49,347 --> 00:20:51,322
Right.
Now then...
255
00:20:51,714 --> 00:20:52,997
Ah!
256
00:20:54,625 --> 00:20:57,078
Oops. Sorry.
Never mind.
257
00:20:59,708 --> 00:21:01,498
Right.
258
00:21:01,625 --> 00:21:04,706
- We call this a wide-bore needle.
- Wide-bore?
259
00:21:04,841 --> 00:21:08,206
Yes. Big needle. It's got to go
right through into the muscle, you see.
260
00:21:08,333 --> 00:21:10,822
- First of all it's a little prick.
- No!
261
00:21:10,958 --> 00:21:13,246
And then it builds up, you see,
262
00:21:13,375 --> 00:21:16,907
into a sort of massive golf ball
of serum under the flesh.
263
00:21:18,300 --> 00:21:20,784
- Very effective.
- Yeah!
264
00:21:20,917 --> 00:21:23,323
- Ow!
- I'll be very careful with it,
265
00:21:23,465 --> 00:21:27,589
because one slip, an air bubble,
and voilà, instant death!
266
00:21:27,708 --> 00:21:29,699
Voilà?
Ow!
267
00:21:29,833 --> 00:21:32,505
Don't worry.
Almost the worst over with.
268
00:21:32,556 --> 00:21:34,177
Almost the worst?
269
00:21:34,500 --> 00:21:37,914
The nurses call this one
Big Ben, apparently.
270
00:21:38,042 --> 00:21:41,112
Now then... Ooh, I must get it on
the right part of your arm, mustn't I?
271
00:21:41,168 --> 00:21:42,616
Let me see.
There we are!
272
00:21:42,667 --> 00:21:45,499
Ow. Ow. Ow.
273
00:21:45,625 --> 00:21:47,450
Ow! Ow!
274
00:21:47,583 --> 00:21:49,207
There we go.
275
00:21:49,333 --> 00:21:51,372
Ow! Ow!
276
00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,999
They say the real experts
do it without even looking.
277
00:22:00,125 --> 00:22:02,496
Don't you try! Ohhh... Ow!
278
00:22:05,792 --> 00:22:08,743
And finally... the sugar cube.
279
00:22:08,875 --> 00:22:11,079
Open.
280
00:22:11,208 --> 00:22:14,325
Oh, Mr King, if you do
suffer an extreme reaction -
281
00:22:14,458 --> 00:22:17,789
a frothing fit or a massive
neural shutdown - don't worry.
282
00:22:17,917 --> 00:22:21,282
- I'm sure someone'll bring you in.
- That's very comforting.
283
00:22:21,417 --> 00:22:24,913
That's all part of the service.
Goodbye, Mr King.
284
00:22:32,583 --> 00:22:34,622
- Goodbye.
- Bye.
285
00:22:38,750 --> 00:22:40,789
Bye.
286
00:22:41,828 --> 00:22:45,490
♪ Life in the Vatican is fun, fun, fun
287
00:22:45,667 --> 00:22:49,365
♪ When you're a dancing nun, nun, nun
288
00:23:08,154 --> 00:23:09,550
Come in.
289
00:23:15,222 --> 00:23:17,531
Listen, Dexter, is there
something troubling you?
290
00:23:17,667 --> 00:23:19,954
Something you want
to talk to someone about?
291
00:23:20,083 --> 00:23:23,746
Well, yeah, actually,
as a matter of fact there is.
292
00:23:23,875 --> 00:23:26,956
Then for fuck's sake
talk to someone about it, will you?
293
00:23:27,044 --> 00:23:28,863
And sort it out
before I sack you
294
00:23:28,914 --> 00:23:31,617
and hire a lobotomised
monkey to play your role, OK?
295
00:23:32,708 --> 00:23:34,433
Thank you, my friend.
296
00:23:39,375 --> 00:23:41,011
The moment you called,
I thought...
297
00:23:41,070 --> 00:23:43,644
"This is it. This is it!
298
00:23:43,792 --> 00:23:46,115
"I haven't known
what my life is about.
299
00:23:46,242 --> 00:23:50,070
"I have nervous breakdown
after nervous breakdown.
300
00:23:50,208 --> 00:23:55,079
"Now suddenly, everything
is going to fall into place...
301
00:23:55,208 --> 00:23:58,290
"with the man on the end
of this telephone."
302
00:23:59,292 --> 00:24:02,954
Yeah, well... I just thought
I'd give you a call.
303
00:24:03,239 --> 00:24:05,610
And thank God you did...
304
00:24:06,500 --> 00:24:07,957
Mr Petrol.
305
00:24:13,542 --> 00:24:16,825
If I tell you something...
confidential,
306
00:24:16,958 --> 00:24:19,198
will you keep it a secret?
307
00:24:20,583 --> 00:24:22,925
Yeah... Yeah, I guess so.
308
00:24:24,583 --> 00:24:26,906
I'm not wearing any underwear.
309
00:24:28,417 --> 00:24:30,019
Ah.
310
00:24:32,042 --> 00:24:35,905
- Are you sure that's wise?
- Screw wisdom! Who wants to be wise?
311
00:24:36,042 --> 00:24:39,786
Well, the Dalai Lama,
to name but one.
312
00:24:41,208 --> 00:24:46,163
Will you excuse me for one second?
I've... I have to go to the bathroom. OK.
313
00:24:59,113 --> 00:25:00,449
Idiot!
314
00:25:00,500 --> 00:25:02,539
Why? why?
315
00:25:05,833 --> 00:25:07,872
Fuck!
316
00:25:29,083 --> 00:25:31,122
- Hi.
- Hello.
317
00:25:39,930 --> 00:25:42,239
Hey, let's, uh, let's hit the road.
318
00:25:42,422 --> 00:25:45,422
It's what I like about you.
You're so impetuous.
319
00:25:46,583 --> 00:25:49,036
There you go. Come on.
320
00:25:49,375 --> 00:25:51,746
It's inside out.
321
00:25:51,875 --> 00:25:54,494
- Right. There we go.
- Your bill, sir.
322
00:25:54,625 --> 00:25:57,327
- Yes, sir.
- Nice to get to sunny Morocco.
323
00:25:57,458 --> 00:25:59,367
Oh, yeah, yeah.
324
00:25:59,500 --> 00:26:03,079
- You're going to Morocco?
- Yeah, that's right, I am.
325
00:26:03,208 --> 00:26:05,579
Isn't that where a man goes
to pick up young boys?
326
00:26:05,860 --> 00:26:08,219
That's right. It's a
top spot for sodomy.
327
00:26:08,270 --> 00:26:09,973
I'm sorry, the two of you
haven't been introduced.
328
00:26:10,024 --> 00:26:12,080
- This is Miss... Mrs...?
- Kate.
329
00:26:12,208 --> 00:26:13,951
- Yes. Kate Tampon.
- Lemon.
330
00:26:14,083 --> 00:26:18,540
- Kate Lemon, this is Tamara.
- Magovitz. For the moment, at least.
331
00:26:18,667 --> 00:26:21,073
- Oh, are you two...?
- Well, you know.
332
00:26:21,391 --> 00:26:23,033
- Great.
- Great...
333
00:26:23,313 --> 00:26:27,327
Great. Come on, lover boy.
Let's go singing in the rain.
334
00:26:27,458 --> 00:26:29,283
Bye.
335
00:26:31,167 --> 00:26:33,999
Of course I had other men.
Of course I had.
336
00:26:34,125 --> 00:26:37,373
Hundreds of them.
I wouldn't be human if I hadn't.
337
00:26:37,500 --> 00:26:39,461
But you know,
338
00:26:39,708 --> 00:26:42,375
even in their arms,
339
00:26:42,500 --> 00:26:45,907
even with their
enormous manhoods
340
00:26:46,375 --> 00:26:50,571
pushing me, pushing me
towards unbearable ecstasy,
341
00:26:51,250 --> 00:26:53,836
I've often thought...
342
00:26:54,417 --> 00:26:56,227
Dexter King.
343
00:26:56,500 --> 00:26:59,202
Dext, my Petrol Man.
344
00:26:59,333 --> 00:27:01,822
He's the one for me.
345
00:27:01,958 --> 00:27:04,909
Have you ever thought
about me like that?
346
00:27:06,083 --> 00:27:08,288
Will you excuse me one minute?
347
00:27:32,542 --> 00:27:35,409
Excuse me. Have you seen
a nurse just come in?
348
00:27:37,292 --> 00:27:38,951
No.
349
00:27:41,208 --> 00:27:43,227
Excuse me. You haven't
seen that nurse with...
350
00:27:43,278 --> 00:27:46,020
an orange raincoat, orange lipstick,
orange earrings, orangeish hair?
351
00:27:46,071 --> 00:27:48,411
- You mean me?
- Yes.
352
00:27:48,542 --> 00:27:49,766
You'll have to be quick.
353
00:27:49,899 --> 00:27:51,469
Some poor old man's
expecting my hand...
354
00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:54,055
up his bottom, and I hate
to disappoint the old folk.
355
00:27:56,969 --> 00:27:59,405
Would you like to
come out to dinner with me?
356
00:27:59,542 --> 00:28:01,899
- Why?
- "Why"?
357
00:28:02,333 --> 00:28:04,324
- Yes. Why?
- Well,
358
00:28:04,458 --> 00:28:07,872
I, uh... was thinking of
taking up nursing.
359
00:28:08,958 --> 00:28:11,791
- You want to become a nurse?
- Yeah. That's right.
360
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,718
I, uh...
want to be a nurse.
361
00:28:14,769 --> 00:28:16,640
My whole family...
it's a family tradition.
362
00:28:16,691 --> 00:28:18,460
My grandfather...
363
00:28:18,511 --> 00:28:21,114
I thought maybe we could have
more time to discuss it over dinner.
364
00:28:21,165 --> 00:28:23,266
No, thanks. I really get enough
of nursing round here...
365
00:28:23,317 --> 00:28:25,481
without discussing it
in my spare time. Excuse me.
366
00:28:26,958 --> 00:28:28,997
Ah. Yeah.
367
00:28:36,432 --> 00:28:39,290
I mean, you know, if you'd asked me out
because you thought I was pretty,
368
00:28:39,348 --> 00:28:42,049
or nice, or anything like that,
it probably would have been a good idea.
369
00:28:42,100 --> 00:28:45,561
But since it's just
a professional enquiry...
370
00:28:47,375 --> 00:28:49,449
- it's probably best kept short.
- Right.
371
00:28:49,583 --> 00:28:51,954
I do think you're pretty.
372
00:28:52,083 --> 00:28:54,536
And nice... as well.
373
00:28:54,667 --> 00:28:56,804
See you here
at six tomorrow, then.
374
00:28:58,167 --> 00:29:02,600
- I don't get free till 10.30.
- OK. I'll see you at 10.35, then.
375
00:29:02,718 --> 00:29:05,954
- Oh... what about your fiancée?
- I hate her.
376
00:29:06,083 --> 00:29:08,916
OK. And what do you do
that keeps you up so late?
377
00:29:09,042 --> 00:29:12,041
- I'm an actor.
- But not a very good one, eh?
378
00:29:13,292 --> 00:29:15,330
Morocco?
379
00:29:16,125 --> 00:29:17,950
Ha!
380
00:29:43,288 --> 00:29:45,038
I love this stuff.
So mild!
381
00:29:45,117 --> 00:29:47,749
No matter how many times
you use it, your hair's still dirty.
382
00:29:51,208 --> 00:29:56,246
If you ever do anything funny in my show
again, you elongated droplet of dung,
383
00:29:56,375 --> 00:30:00,866
you're out, do you hear me?
F-u-c-k-e-d. Out.
384
00:30:00,917 --> 00:30:02,781
See, this is the Ron Anderson
you don't hear about.
385
00:30:02,832 --> 00:30:04,609
You've got a
big one of these.
386
00:30:31,625 --> 00:30:33,664
- Hello.
- Hi.
387
00:30:37,210 --> 00:30:38,210
Sorry I'm late.
388
00:30:38,261 --> 00:30:40,147
No, it's all right.
I just got here this second.
389
00:30:40,198 --> 00:30:42,237
Oh, good, good.
390
00:30:42,750 --> 00:30:48,332
Well, so what do you want to do? Camden
has everything from traditional English
391
00:30:48,458 --> 00:30:53,033
to a very good new Greek-Indian
restaurant called Zorba the Buddhist.
392
00:30:53,167 --> 00:30:55,952
Truth is, I'd really like to go home.
393
00:30:56,083 --> 00:30:59,015
It's been a very hard night and
I'm just suddenly terribly tired.
394
00:31:00,124 --> 00:31:01,522
Oh...
395
00:31:02,292 --> 00:31:04,247
OK. Not even a drink?
396
00:31:04,375 --> 00:31:07,871
I can offer you anything
from Malibu to something drinkable.
397
00:31:08,101 --> 00:31:11,052
No, thanks.
I think I'd just fall asleep.
398
00:31:11,841 --> 00:31:14,626
I'm sorry if it
sounds like a feeble excuse.
399
00:31:16,708 --> 00:31:18,913
No, that's fine. I've heard worse.
400
00:31:19,042 --> 00:31:21,530
Look, I'd love to
sleep with you tonight,
401
00:31:21,667 --> 00:31:25,032
but unfortunately
my flatmate's really depressed
402
00:31:25,167 --> 00:31:28,201
and if I don't go back
she'll commit suicide.
403
00:31:28,333 --> 00:31:31,702
Also, I'm thinking of becoming a nun.
404
00:31:32,770 --> 00:31:35,141
- Maybe some other time.
- Yeah.
405
00:31:36,015 --> 00:31:38,827
Going to walk me home,
or shall I get murdered on my own?
406
00:31:38,878 --> 00:31:40,454
No, no, no,
my pleasure.
407
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:43,323
Do you know lots of people
called Tampon?
408
00:31:43,458 --> 00:31:44,833
What?
409
00:31:44,958 --> 00:31:47,530
Oh! No.
410
00:31:47,667 --> 00:31:51,660
Although I did once know
somebody called Maturinbed.
411
00:31:51,792 --> 00:31:55,490
- Really?
- Yeah. Suresh Maturinbed.
412
00:31:55,625 --> 00:31:59,157
He was Indian. Whenever anybody
would meet him in school,
413
00:31:59,292 --> 00:32:02,990
they'd say,
"Are you mature in bed?"
414
00:32:03,054 --> 00:32:07,178
And, of course, you know,
he'd have to say, "Yes, I am."
415
00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:12,249
But, see, it did turn out all right
in the end, because apparently...
416
00:32:12,546 --> 00:32:14,632
he was a really great lay.
417
00:32:23,792 --> 00:32:25,830
I love this hill.
418
00:32:26,358 --> 00:32:29,874
- Oh, oh... is this where you live?
- Mm.
419
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:33,117
Don't be deceived
by the grim exterior.
420
00:32:33,250 --> 00:32:36,415
It's a good deal
grimmer inside.
421
00:32:36,542 --> 00:32:39,955
No, no, no, it's, uh...
it looks nice.
422
00:32:40,083 --> 00:32:42,288
Looks nice.
423
00:32:43,525 --> 00:32:45,846
Look, there is just one thing
I'd like to make clear,
424
00:32:45,897 --> 00:32:47,830
to avoid
any embarrassment later.
425
00:32:48,875 --> 00:32:52,656
I'm sure you know that just because
you take a girl out to dinner
426
00:32:52,792 --> 00:32:56,833
it doesn't mean
she's got to go to bed with you.
427
00:32:56,895 --> 00:32:58,853
No, no.
428
00:33:00,292 --> 00:33:03,159
Absolutely.
I'm not... Oh, my God.
429
00:33:05,708 --> 00:33:08,659
Absolutely not. No!
430
00:33:08,830 --> 00:33:12,916
Yeah, well, the thing is I'm not
the sort of girl who believes in that.
431
00:33:13,042 --> 00:33:16,322
I think it's much better to go to bed
with the person on the first date...
432
00:33:16,373 --> 00:33:18,596
to get it out of the way.
433
00:33:18,932 --> 00:33:21,142
There's no point in our having
ten expensive dinners...
434
00:33:21,193 --> 00:33:23,190
if I already
know I like you.
435
00:33:25,083 --> 00:33:27,057
Oh.
436
00:33:27,417 --> 00:33:30,368
So, um... I'm off all day tomorrow,
so why don't you come round?
437
00:33:30,547 --> 00:33:33,392
Oh, that... that'd be great.
438
00:33:34,554 --> 00:33:38,761
And when I say "great",
you know, I mean... great.
439
00:33:38,958 --> 00:33:41,447
Good.
440
00:33:41,523 --> 00:33:43,561
Night-night.
441
00:33:45,333 --> 00:33:47,573
I like your jacket.
442
00:34:27,362 --> 00:34:29,400
Hi. Come in.
443
00:34:37,702 --> 00:34:40,701
Green and orange
are my favourite colours.
444
00:34:40,875 --> 00:34:44,241
- Orange particularly.
- Yes.
445
00:34:44,375 --> 00:34:48,499
Sorry about last night.
I was very tired.
446
00:34:49,667 --> 00:34:52,666
I'm less tired now.
447
00:34:52,792 --> 00:34:55,245
- I'm not tired either.
- Great.
448
00:34:56,583 --> 00:35:01,289
Two people... alone...
in the middle of the afternoon...
449
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:04,119
and not tired.
450
00:35:05,500 --> 00:35:08,700
Ideal circumstances
for Scrabble.
451
00:35:48,299 --> 00:35:50,338
Orange particularly.
452
00:36:11,526 --> 00:36:13,444
Oh. Sorry.
453
00:36:17,667 --> 00:36:20,452
- What's going on down there?
- It's the feathers.
454
00:36:20,583 --> 00:36:22,990
What feathers?
I haven't got any feathers.
455
00:36:23,156 --> 00:36:26,071
The feathers in the duvet.
I'm allergic to feathers.
456
00:36:29,021 --> 00:36:32,102
God... God, you ridiculous person!
457
00:37:18,042 --> 00:37:19,915
Ow!
458
00:38:20,500 --> 00:38:22,539
That was...
459
00:38:23,202 --> 00:38:24,241
wild.
460
00:38:25,094 --> 00:38:27,547
Oh, that was a wild thing.
461
00:38:33,875 --> 00:38:36,411
And thank God.
462
00:38:36,542 --> 00:38:40,156
Because to top all the fun,
I think you've missed your show.
463
00:38:44,875 --> 00:38:48,371
- Fancy a fuck, big boy?
- No, thanks. Just had one.
464
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:16,624
Get off.
465
00:39:16,750 --> 00:39:18,789
Get... off.
466
00:39:31,583 --> 00:39:36,952
How dare you improvise,
you diminutive Mediterranean moron?
467
00:39:37,083 --> 00:39:39,454
And as for you, Daddy-Longlegs,
468
00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:41,311
I've been waiting
for this moment...
469
00:39:41,362 --> 00:39:44,085
ever since I first made
the mistake of hiring you.
470
00:39:44,268 --> 00:39:47,314
You're both fired.
I give you a week's notice.
471
00:39:47,365 --> 00:39:48,365
A week?!
472
00:39:48,416 --> 00:39:50,382
All right, a day, then.
Tonight's your last night.
473
00:39:50,433 --> 00:39:52,135
You can't do that.
I demand to talk to the producer.
474
00:39:52,186 --> 00:39:53,987
I am the producer.
475
00:39:54,042 --> 00:39:55,213
In that case,
you can do that.
476
00:39:55,264 --> 00:39:58,407
But I'm not going to give you the
satisfaction of sacking me. I resign!
477
00:39:58,458 --> 00:40:01,010
Good. In that case,
you get no severance pay,
478
00:40:01,112 --> 00:40:03,657
and I sue your arse
for breach of contract.
479
00:40:03,708 --> 00:40:07,354
In that case, I don't resign,
you total and utter bastard.
480
00:40:08,443 --> 00:40:11,190
I hope all your children
have very small dicks!
481
00:40:11,292 --> 00:40:13,369
And that includes the girls!
482
00:40:21,125 --> 00:40:24,076
Well, as you probably all know,
this is Dexter's last night.
483
00:40:24,143 --> 00:40:25,760
And I've got to get away
at the end of the show
484
00:40:25,811 --> 00:40:27,932
so I thought we'd have
the party in the interval.
485
00:40:28,184 --> 00:40:30,690
Dex has been with the show
from the very beginning,
486
00:40:30,741 --> 00:40:33,776
and I know that some of you...
some of us...
487
00:40:33,893 --> 00:40:35,292
are going to miss him.
488
00:40:35,447 --> 00:40:36,619
We wish him the best of luck
489
00:40:36,670 --> 00:40:38,940
in everything he chooses
to do in the future.
490
00:40:39,167 --> 00:40:42,010
- And the same goes for, er...
- Charlie.
491
00:40:42,174 --> 00:40:45,666
Charlie, who's been
with the show for...
492
00:40:45,792 --> 00:40:48,458
- Five years.
- Five... five years.
493
00:40:49,325 --> 00:40:52,192
- Anne, have you got the Champagne?
- Yes.
494
00:40:58,250 --> 00:41:01,450
- To Dexter's future.
- To Dexter's future.
495
00:41:03,140 --> 00:41:04,682
Mmm.
496
00:41:12,727 --> 00:41:15,559
- What happened?
- I got sacked.
497
00:41:15,708 --> 00:41:18,161
Sacked?! Oh dear.
498
00:41:19,083 --> 00:41:21,122
That's terrible!
499
00:41:21,250 --> 00:41:24,118
God, and all for
just a one-night stand.
500
00:41:25,542 --> 00:41:29,286
- A one-night stand?
- Well, one-afternoon.
501
00:41:32,542 --> 00:41:34,367
Oh, God.
502
00:41:34,500 --> 00:41:37,119
You are going to be
so easy to tease.
503
00:41:42,039 --> 00:41:44,049
♪ "It Must Be Love" by Madness
504
00:41:46,125 --> 00:41:48,661
♪ I never thought I'd miss you
505
00:41:49,375 --> 00:41:51,118
♪ Half as much
506
00:41:51,258 --> 00:41:53,296
♪ As I do
507
00:41:59,250 --> 00:42:03,410
♪ And I never thought I'd feel this way
The way I feel...
508
00:42:03,542 --> 00:42:06,457
- Hey, Mr M.
- Morning, Dexter.
509
00:42:12,375 --> 00:42:14,366
♪ As soon as I wake up
510
00:42:14,500 --> 00:42:17,167
♪ Every night, every day
511
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:21,288
♪ I know that it's you I need
512
00:42:21,417 --> 00:42:24,083
♪ To take the blues away
513
00:42:25,417 --> 00:42:28,498
♪ It must be love, love, love
514
00:42:30,375 --> 00:42:33,456
♪ It must be love, love, love
515
00:42:34,833 --> 00:42:37,073
♪ Nothing more, nothing less
516
00:42:37,208 --> 00:42:39,448
♪ Love is the best
517
00:42:50,792 --> 00:42:53,245
- What are these?
- My pyjamas.
518
00:42:54,542 --> 00:42:56,781
If you wear them again,
I leave you instantly.
519
00:42:56,917 --> 00:42:59,535
No, no. These are great.
520
00:42:59,667 --> 00:43:03,163
They're not great. Look, they're so
baggy you could fit two people in them.
521
00:43:03,292 --> 00:43:05,034
Bullshit. They're great.
522
00:43:05,458 --> 00:43:06,785
See?!
523
00:43:06,917 --> 00:43:08,825
♪ As soon as I wake up
524
00:43:08,958 --> 00:43:12,040
♪ Every night, every day
525
00:43:13,417 --> 00:43:15,656
♪ I know that it's you I need
526
00:43:15,792 --> 00:43:18,791
♪ To take the blues away
527
00:43:19,833 --> 00:43:23,282
♪ It must be love, love, love
528
00:43:24,792 --> 00:43:28,157
♪ It must be love, love, love
529
00:43:29,625 --> 00:43:32,991
♪ It must be love, love, love
530
00:43:34,458 --> 00:43:37,872
♪ It must be love, love, love
531
00:43:39,375 --> 00:43:42,824
♪ It must be love, love, love...
532
00:43:43,500 --> 00:43:46,036
I've got to go to work.
533
00:43:46,167 --> 00:43:48,490
- Wait a minute. I'll keep you company.
- OK.
534
00:43:48,625 --> 00:43:51,706
- How long have I got?
- About 12 seconds.
535
00:43:53,792 --> 00:43:55,830
Wait, wait, wait!
536
00:44:01,166 --> 00:44:03,009
I guess it's important
not to be late.
537
00:44:03,060 --> 00:44:05,326
No. We don't both
want to lose our jobs.
538
00:44:05,377 --> 00:44:07,584
Right. Still, there's
more to life than
539
00:44:07,635 --> 00:44:10,436
being hit in the face with an iron bar
six times a week, plus matinees.
540
00:44:10,487 --> 00:44:12,345
Absolutely.
541
00:44:12,911 --> 00:44:15,151
- Mind the tree.
- What tree?
542
00:44:18,580 --> 00:44:20,483
So what are you doing
in a job like that anyway?
543
00:44:20,534 --> 00:44:21,782
It's the only thing
I could get.
544
00:44:21,833 --> 00:44:25,162
You know, life isn't that easy
for tall American actors in London.
545
00:44:25,213 --> 00:44:26,330
The year I got Ron's show,
546
00:44:26,381 --> 00:44:28,782
the only other thing I'd had
was playing Abraham Lincoln
547
00:44:28,833 --> 00:44:31,193
in a series of
advertisements for muffins.
548
00:44:31,244 --> 00:44:35,416
- My career wasn't like a torpedo.
- Well, Ron noticed you were brilliant.
549
00:44:35,542 --> 00:44:37,072
No, he knew I was cheap.
550
00:44:37,123 --> 00:44:39,806
The show was supposed to last
for six weeks. It's run for six years.
551
00:44:39,857 --> 00:44:41,580
And at the end I was still
earning less per week
552
00:44:41,631 --> 00:44:43,505
than the Coke machine
in the dressing room.
553
00:44:43,626 --> 00:44:45,617
Hang on one sec.
554
00:44:47,583 --> 00:44:50,333
Listen, are you going to be able
to get another job?
555
00:44:50,458 --> 00:44:52,861
Oh yeah, listen, I hope so.
I've got a very powerful agent.
556
00:44:53,002 --> 00:44:55,408
Good. Going out
with an actor's bad enough.
557
00:44:55,502 --> 00:44:58,782
If I'm going to be saddled with an
out-of-work actor... shoot me now.
558
00:44:58,917 --> 00:45:02,698
Absolutely not.
I shall take action this very afternoon.
559
00:45:02,934 --> 00:45:04,744
Good.
560
00:45:06,983 --> 00:45:09,463
I should tidy yourself
up a bit first.
561
00:45:17,542 --> 00:45:19,331
Oh.
562
00:45:19,458 --> 00:45:23,994
Oh, hello, Mr King. Take a seat. I'm sure
Mary will be with you in just a minute.
563
00:45:26,625 --> 00:45:29,410
Mary says you should
have a look at these scripts.
564
00:45:29,814 --> 00:45:34,611
The Spielberg looks very interesting,
but the Woody Allen is just a cameo.
565
00:45:35,375 --> 00:45:36,869
Hm. Thanks.
566
00:45:37,096 --> 00:45:41,741
Mr Pinter asked you to look at this,
and this is one from Arthur Miller.
567
00:45:41,875 --> 00:45:45,123
But Mary doesn't think
it's as good as the Stoppard one.
568
00:45:45,250 --> 00:45:46,993
Thank you very much.
569
00:45:47,125 --> 00:45:51,202
Mary says why don't you look at this?
It's for Shake'n'Vac.
570
00:45:52,216 --> 00:45:54,669
You're the Tall American.
571
00:46:05,868 --> 00:46:07,665
The thing is,
my darling boy,
572
00:46:07,716 --> 00:46:10,408
it's such a long time
since you've been out on the market.
573
00:46:10,947 --> 00:46:13,410
Well, maybe that makes me a novelty.
574
00:46:13,643 --> 00:46:17,720
I don't know about that.
73% of actors are unemployed.
575
00:46:18,958 --> 00:46:24,161
- And yet Roger Moore's still in work.
- Yes. It's a dark and mysterious world.
576
00:46:25,333 --> 00:46:29,743
Suppose I could get you an audition
with Berkoff. He's doing a new play.
577
00:46:29,875 --> 00:46:32,542
"England, My England".
578
00:46:32,667 --> 00:46:35,333
That's good.
Yeah, let's go for that.
579
00:46:39,375 --> 00:46:41,414
Fuck off!
580
00:46:42,908 --> 00:46:46,874
Fuck off yourself!
And the same goes for your friend!
581
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:50,039
Fuck off!
582
00:46:51,593 --> 00:46:53,632
You fuck off.
583
00:46:58,720 --> 00:47:01,321
He said he thought
you lacked anger.
584
00:47:02,125 --> 00:47:04,496
Oh, I don't know, I was
pretty pissed off by the end.
585
00:47:04,625 --> 00:47:07,320
Yes, I think he's probably insane.
586
00:47:07,750 --> 00:47:10,414
There are a couple of parts
coming up at Granada.
587
00:47:10,465 --> 00:47:12,805
Not big, but at least it's telly.
588
00:47:13,917 --> 00:47:15,659
Sounds fine to me.
589
00:47:15,792 --> 00:47:18,992
Well, let's give it a read through,
shall we? Page 26.
590
00:47:19,179 --> 00:47:21,846
I'll read in Bob's part, OK?
591
00:47:22,750 --> 00:47:24,907
Right. I'm driving along.
592
00:47:25,234 --> 00:47:27,744
It's raining hard.
593
00:47:27,984 --> 00:47:30,791
Vicious, dark, grey rain.
594
00:47:30,968 --> 00:47:33,749
Suddenly I spy someone.
595
00:47:33,875 --> 00:47:37,371
I jam on the brakes with my foot,
596
00:47:37,593 --> 00:47:40,343
I wind down the window, and...
597
00:47:42,116 --> 00:47:45,814
"Excuse me. Is this
the right road for Cirencester?"
598
00:47:47,708 --> 00:47:50,161
- "Aye, it be."
- "Thanks."
599
00:47:51,458 --> 00:47:53,947
Good, Dennis. Excellent.
600
00:47:55,521 --> 00:47:58,472
Could you try it
with a little more mystery?
601
00:47:59,757 --> 00:48:03,998
Well, the only other thing at the moment
is a new musical the RSC are doing.
602
00:48:04,218 --> 00:48:07,502
- Well, what's it about?
- The Elephant Man.
603
00:48:08,917 --> 00:48:12,914
A musical of The Elephant Man?
What's it called?
604
00:48:13,192 --> 00:48:17,435
"Elephant", I think.
With an exclamation mark, presumably.
605
00:48:18,633 --> 00:48:21,418
I just pity the poor bastard
who has to play the elephant.
606
00:48:21,542 --> 00:48:25,323
Remember, dearest, everyone thought
Jesus Christ Superstar was a stupid idea.
607
00:48:25,450 --> 00:48:27,437
Jesus Christ Superstar
was a stupid idea.
608
00:48:27,488 --> 00:48:28,574
True!
609
00:48:28,625 --> 00:48:31,949
But, uh...
I've got to get something,
610
00:48:32,083 --> 00:48:35,578
or else my girlfriend the nurse
may begin to sleep with other men.
611
00:48:51,128 --> 00:48:53,863
OK, let's check these arms again,
because it's not quite right.
612
00:48:53,914 --> 00:48:55,074
Let's go from here.
613
00:48:55,125 --> 00:48:59,023
One, two. Turn.
Three, four and five.
614
00:49:02,554 --> 00:49:05,907
♪ London, city of sin
London, the town we grew up in
615
00:49:06,132 --> 00:49:09,076
♪ Just one great big loony bin
London
616
00:49:09,156 --> 00:49:12,078
Yeah... someone's singing a bit flat.
Can you all just give me a G?
617
00:49:13,250 --> 00:49:14,530
♪ La.
618
00:49:14,667 --> 00:49:17,239
- ♪ La
- ♪ La
619
00:49:17,667 --> 00:49:20,285
- ♪ La
- ♪ La
620
00:49:20,542 --> 00:49:23,208
- ♪ La
- ♪ La
621
00:49:24,333 --> 00:49:27,201
♪ Baaaaaa
622
00:49:30,351 --> 00:49:34,159
- Mr King?
- Oh, yes. Listen, I'm really sorry.
623
00:49:34,210 --> 00:49:39,007
I guess I'm a little out of practice.
Pathetic, actually. Grotesquely awful.
624
00:49:39,100 --> 00:49:41,406
My voice.
And maybe I'm catching a little cold...
625
00:49:41,585 --> 00:49:45,784
Not at all. In fact, Dexter, we'd like
a little word with you about something.
626
00:49:46,041 --> 00:49:48,908
Perhaps we could step in here.
A little more private.
627
00:49:50,125 --> 00:49:51,998
- The thing is, Dexter...
- Yeah?
628
00:49:52,125 --> 00:49:54,993
We've been watching you very carefully.
629
00:49:55,125 --> 00:49:58,159
And, well, we think...
630
00:49:58,292 --> 00:50:02,914
- Do you want to say it, Marc Antonio?
- Oh, no, no. Go ahead. You say it.
631
00:50:03,260 --> 00:50:05,499
- We think...
- Excuse me.
632
00:50:10,710 --> 00:50:12,998
We think we'd like to -
633
00:50:15,542 --> 00:50:18,872
Oh, for God's sake, can I please
have privacy for one moment?!
634
00:50:19,108 --> 00:50:21,147
Sorry, Gavin.
635
00:50:25,917 --> 00:50:28,916
What I'm trying to say is...
636
00:50:29,195 --> 00:50:32,242
we'd like to audition you
for a very large part indeed.
637
00:50:32,531 --> 00:50:34,632
- In this musical?
- You see, the thing is,
638
00:50:34,726 --> 00:50:37,376
we feel you have
exactly the quality of
639
00:50:38,382 --> 00:50:41,282
awkwardness and vulnerability
that we're looking for.
640
00:50:41,333 --> 00:50:43,573
Yes, you're a victim.
That's what we need.
641
00:50:43,763 --> 00:50:48,918
You're someone life has crushed,
and ground into a pulp.
642
00:50:50,708 --> 00:50:53,790
Jeez. Yeah, I still
don't follow you.
643
00:50:54,065 --> 00:50:58,355
Of course, it would require
a massive amount of makeup.
644
00:51:01,750 --> 00:51:02,995
Ah.
645
00:51:07,083 --> 00:51:10,082
- We're going to be rich, rich, rich!
- Comparatively.
646
00:51:10,208 --> 00:51:14,285
Oh, my God! The first night.
What am I going to wear? I have nothing.
647
00:51:14,417 --> 00:51:16,539
- Who'll I get to take me?
- I will, if you like.
648
00:51:16,674 --> 00:51:19,058
Don't be so stupid.
You're a total beardy weirdy.
649
00:51:19,109 --> 00:51:21,750
Hey, you know, I've got to
get through rehearsals first.
650
00:51:21,875 --> 00:51:24,101
Rehearsals, reschmearsals!
651
00:51:24,152 --> 00:51:26,647
We all know that acting is the
easiest job in the whole world.
652
00:51:26,698 --> 00:51:28,300
Don't pretend it's
going to be difficult.
653
00:51:28,351 --> 00:51:30,480
Well, well, I'll have to
learn my lines,
654
00:51:30,531 --> 00:51:32,000
get the makeup right.
655
00:51:32,100 --> 00:51:34,717
It's sometimes very difficult
to know which door to come through.
656
00:51:35,226 --> 00:51:39,138
I'm Jane Highworth
and I'm in charge of costume.
657
00:51:40,572 --> 00:51:44,696
I'm Max Fairford
and I'm playing the circus barker.
658
00:51:46,167 --> 00:51:50,374
I'm Dexter King.
I'm playing the Elephant Man.
659
00:51:50,500 --> 00:51:52,788
I'm Timothy Hall and I'm going bald,
660
00:51:52,917 --> 00:51:56,200
which is probably why
I'm playing Dr Treves.
661
00:51:57,635 --> 00:52:01,547
I'm Cheryl Heinz
and I'm playing Lady Cranbrook.
662
00:52:03,867 --> 00:52:06,410
And you all presumably know me.
663
00:52:06,611 --> 00:52:09,585
I'm Gavin, and I'm your director.
664
00:52:10,539 --> 00:52:13,882
Right, so I think we might as well
jump in the deep end,
665
00:52:13,938 --> 00:52:15,241
and start with
a sing-through.
666
00:52:15,292 --> 00:52:17,282
♪ Fog! Fog!
667
00:52:17,417 --> 00:52:21,070
♪ What a dreadful fog!
668
00:52:22,625 --> 00:52:24,249
♪ Egads, milads
669
00:52:24,445 --> 00:52:26,615
♪ It's a real peasouper
670
00:52:26,750 --> 00:52:29,950
Two, three, four, one.
671
00:52:30,083 --> 00:52:32,490
♪ Who knows what secrets
672
00:52:32,625 --> 00:52:36,868
♪ This darkness hides?
673
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:39,406
♪ Who knows what horror
674
00:52:39,542 --> 00:52:44,282
♪ May lurk inside?
675
00:52:51,859 --> 00:52:56,360
Before you all disappear, everyone, 9.30
tomorrow morning, please, for a warm-up.
676
00:52:56,411 --> 00:52:58,226
9.30. Thank you.
677
00:52:59,833 --> 00:53:03,745
I have a very large nose,
and I sniff a hit!
678
00:53:16,750 --> 00:53:21,704
I saw you in Ron Anderson's show.
I thought you were lovely.
679
00:53:21,833 --> 00:53:24,583
It can't be easy
being a straight man.
680
00:53:24,708 --> 00:53:29,248
All I had to do was say my line,
really, and get punched in the face.
681
00:53:29,375 --> 00:53:33,156
- You shouldn't put yourself down.
- No, no. It was really that easy.
682
00:53:33,292 --> 00:53:37,831
The part could have been very
fully realised by an umbrella stand.
683
00:53:37,958 --> 00:53:42,249
Well, I also think you're
going to be wonderful in this.
684
00:53:42,375 --> 00:53:45,207
Thanks. It's my first time
as an elephant.
685
00:53:46,991 --> 00:53:50,538
You're very funny, aren't you?
I like funny people.
686
00:53:51,292 --> 00:53:53,780
Are you married?
687
00:53:53,917 --> 00:53:55,955
No.
688
00:53:56,083 --> 00:53:59,367
- My girlfriend's a nurse.
- I see.
689
00:54:00,500 --> 00:54:03,996
- Well, see you tomorrow, Dexter.
- Yes.
690
00:54:14,833 --> 00:54:16,244
♪ Bin...
691
00:54:16,500 --> 00:54:18,823
♪ Bin...
692
00:54:18,958 --> 00:54:22,040
- Good night.
- 'Night.
693
00:54:22,167 --> 00:54:24,620
- ♪ London, city of sin...
- How was it?
694
00:54:25,750 --> 00:54:28,749
It was good. It was good.
It's not Mozart...
695
00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:32,619
- Any hits, do you think?
- Oh, well...
696
00:54:32,750 --> 00:54:37,123
There's that ballad called "Packing My
Trunk" which I think could be very big.
697
00:54:37,463 --> 00:54:40,082
Very big. You look tired.
How was your day?
698
00:54:40,275 --> 00:54:44,072
Not great.
Emergency's always pretty grisly.
699
00:54:44,299 --> 00:54:47,990
A woman I was with
gave birth to a baby in a lift.
700
00:54:48,125 --> 00:54:49,666
That was OK, huh?
701
00:54:49,792 --> 00:54:51,026
Well, it would've been.
702
00:54:51,081 --> 00:54:54,166
But her husband slipped on the
afterbirth and broke his collarbone.
703
00:54:54,373 --> 00:54:56,079
Holy cats.
704
00:54:56,299 --> 00:54:58,536
♪ Take a deep breath
705
00:54:58,775 --> 00:55:01,417
♪ Prepare for the worst
706
00:55:01,666 --> 00:55:03,913
♪ The ugliest man
707
00:55:04,158 --> 00:55:07,853
♪ In the universe
708
00:55:10,213 --> 00:55:14,456
Right, once more.
And remember, the man is hideous!
709
00:55:15,049 --> 00:55:18,213
Come on. Let's get going. Opening
positions. Come on. From the top!
710
00:55:18,307 --> 00:55:20,823
Yeah, I heard that's true. Weird.
711
00:55:20,958 --> 00:55:24,407
What about the actresses?
Fallen in love with any of them yet?
712
00:55:24,542 --> 00:55:28,784
Absolutely not.
All actresses are barking mad.
713
00:55:28,908 --> 00:55:31,182
You know, it's the
first law of psychiatry.
714
00:55:31,393 --> 00:55:34,116
You look up Freud,
the actual definition of "mad" in Freud
715
00:55:34,338 --> 00:55:37,532
is "anyone who has appeared
on a stage and is female".
716
00:55:37,667 --> 00:55:39,657
Absolutely not.
Actresses!
717
00:55:39,955 --> 00:55:42,408
Ha. I like it when you lie.
718
00:55:46,883 --> 00:55:49,221
♪ Roll up! Roll up!
As quick as you can
719
00:55:49,299 --> 00:55:52,331
♪ He looks like an elephant
And talks like a man
720
00:55:52,521 --> 00:55:55,260
♪ Roll up! Roll up!
The tent is busting
721
00:55:55,372 --> 00:55:58,453
♪ Here he comes! Mr Disgusting!
722
00:56:02,083 --> 00:56:04,323
Wrong door, Dexter!
723
00:56:06,250 --> 00:56:09,829
- OK, from the top again.
- OK, back from the top.
724
00:56:10,082 --> 00:56:12,701
Tell me about the first-night party.
725
00:56:13,417 --> 00:56:16,150
Are there going to be
lots of famous people there,
726
00:56:16,330 --> 00:56:18,407
and am I going to feel stupid?
727
00:56:18,458 --> 00:56:21,954
Well, no, no and... no.
728
00:56:23,417 --> 00:56:25,502
It's going to be a nightmare.
Really!
729
00:56:25,553 --> 00:56:28,420
Hundreds of people
crammed in that backstage!
730
00:56:28,721 --> 00:56:33,682
It's going to be like happy hour
in the Black Hole of Calcutta.
731
00:56:33,833 --> 00:56:36,121
Who's going to be there?
732
00:56:36,361 --> 00:56:39,099
Well, you know, everybody.
Gavin, the director, the producer,
733
00:56:39,150 --> 00:56:40,154
everybody from the cast,
734
00:56:40,205 --> 00:56:42,993
Timothy, Cheryl, uh...
735
00:56:43,125 --> 00:56:47,451
Cyprus Charlie, who I've managed to get
in the company as my personal dresser.
736
00:56:47,583 --> 00:56:49,326
Oh.
737
00:56:49,458 --> 00:56:52,409
If we're profoundly unlucky,
even Ron'll be there.
738
00:56:52,542 --> 00:56:57,448
Good. Oh, good. I'll put on
lots of orange and flirt with him.
739
00:56:57,713 --> 00:57:01,993
Don't you dare.
As soon as he fancies somebody,
740
00:57:02,125 --> 00:57:06,368
he starts coming on with stories
about his great pals Charles and Di.
741
00:57:06,531 --> 00:57:08,382
It's totally revolting.
742
00:57:08,433 --> 00:57:11,398
He uses the Queen
and her kin as a sexual lubricant.
743
00:57:12,062 --> 00:57:13,588
Well, listen,
I've got to do something,
744
00:57:13,639 --> 00:57:16,674
because everybody's going to be
telling you how wonderful you are.
745
00:57:17,083 --> 00:57:21,160
I can just see it. "The most
moving elephant I've ever seen."
746
00:57:21,292 --> 00:57:24,077
I don't think so...
I don't think so.
747
00:57:24,885 --> 00:57:27,322
♪ Somewhere
748
00:57:27,603 --> 00:57:30,824
♪ Up in heaven
749
00:57:31,088 --> 00:57:33,577
♪ There's an angel
750
00:57:33,822 --> 00:57:37,205
♪ With big ears
751
00:57:38,125 --> 00:57:40,875
♪ An angel
752
00:57:41,072 --> 00:57:46,997
♪ With big ears!
753
00:57:50,250 --> 00:57:52,786
And...
754
00:57:53,080 --> 00:57:55,119
curtain!
755
00:57:59,208 --> 00:58:01,366
Well.
756
00:58:02,377 --> 00:58:05,291
What can I say?
757
00:58:05,557 --> 00:58:08,638
The entrances are
pathetically sloppy.
758
00:58:11,179 --> 00:58:14,593
The first half
is mind-bendingly slow.
759
00:58:16,458 --> 00:58:20,432
Nobody seems to have
the faintest clue what their lines are.
760
00:58:22,042 --> 00:58:25,017
But it's a bloody masterpiece.
761
00:58:28,208 --> 00:58:33,542
And, to reward you all
for being so totally wonderful,
762
00:58:33,667 --> 00:58:35,705
Olé!
763
00:59:04,661 --> 00:59:06,811
I'll definitely see you tomorrow.
Good night.
764
00:59:06,862 --> 00:59:08,280
- Good night.
- Good night.
765
00:59:08,374 --> 00:59:09,859
See you tomorrow.
766
00:59:20,667 --> 00:59:25,621
You realise I'm falling in love
with you, Mr Dexter King?
767
00:59:26,958 --> 00:59:28,997
Yeah...
768
00:59:29,971 --> 00:59:32,970
It's probably not a good idea.
769
00:59:33,417 --> 00:59:39,248
Love knows not good or bad,
but runs wherever the wild heart leads.
770
00:59:40,460 --> 00:59:42,874
Not a good idea
because you've got a girlfriend?
771
00:59:42,925 --> 00:59:44,249
Yeah.
772
00:59:44,752 --> 00:59:47,834
Well, I've got a husband.
773
00:59:51,208 --> 00:59:53,247
Is he, um...
774
00:59:55,500 --> 00:59:57,539
Is he, uh...
775
00:59:58,505 --> 01:00:00,544
Is he nice?
776
01:00:02,140 --> 01:00:04,080
He's lovely.
777
01:00:04,311 --> 01:00:06,745
Much nicer than you.
778
01:00:06,984 --> 01:00:09,935
Much... much nicer.
779
01:00:41,292 --> 01:00:43,200
Oops.
780
01:01:08,375 --> 01:01:10,414
Sorry.
781
01:01:11,750 --> 01:01:13,705
I'm pooped.
782
01:01:13,942 --> 01:01:17,436
That's fine, that's fine.
I'm pretty pooped myself.
783
01:01:20,525 --> 01:01:23,596
Well, here we are, on the stage
of the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane.
784
01:01:23,647 --> 01:01:26,202
where tomorrow sees the long-awaited
opening of "Elephant"
785
01:01:26,312 --> 01:01:27,616
the first ever musical
786
01:01:27,667 --> 01:01:31,329
to dare to come face to face
with the subject of elephantiasis.
787
01:01:31,655 --> 01:01:33,585
"Are you enjoying
your new room, John?"
788
01:01:33,636 --> 01:01:36,170
"Yes, thank you, Doctor. It's quite
beautiful. Quite quite beautiful."
789
01:01:36,221 --> 01:01:38,495
"Excellent. Hello, Matron."
"Hello, Doctor."
790
01:01:38,617 --> 01:01:39,936
"Everything all right, Matron?"
791
01:01:40,031 --> 01:01:41,905
"Yes, thank you, doctor.
How are you, John?"
792
01:01:41,956 --> 01:01:43,847
- "Excellent, Matron, excellent."
- Good. Again.
793
01:01:43,898 --> 01:01:45,960
Morning, Mrs Heinz.
Hope you break a leg tonight.
794
01:01:46,011 --> 01:01:47,214
Thank you, David.
795
01:01:47,265 --> 01:01:49,765
Morning, Mr Hall.
Hope you break a leg tonight.
796
01:01:49,835 --> 01:01:51,662
Thank you, David.
797
01:01:51,713 --> 01:01:53,249
Morning, Mr King.
Hope you -
798
01:01:55,786 --> 01:01:58,358
- Good luck for tonight.
- Thank you, David.
799
01:01:59,820 --> 01:02:01,894
Have you got the card?
800
01:02:04,648 --> 01:02:06,218
Perfect!
801
01:02:24,125 --> 01:02:25,784
Come in.
802
01:02:25,917 --> 01:02:28,583
- Mrs Heinz.
- Oh, thank you, David.
803
01:02:35,500 --> 01:02:37,491
Wonderful.
804
01:02:42,750 --> 01:02:44,954
Oh. Oh! Thanks.
805
01:03:00,708 --> 01:03:03,031
Good evening, Dr Treves.
Delighted to meet you.
806
01:03:03,167 --> 01:03:05,655
Good evening, Dr Treves.
Delighted to meet you.
807
01:03:05,792 --> 01:03:07,949
Good evening, Dr Treves.
Delighted to meet you.
808
01:03:08,083 --> 01:03:10,030
♪ Loony bin...
809
01:03:10,155 --> 01:03:11,405
Act One beginners call.
810
01:03:11,492 --> 01:03:14,773
This is your Act One beginners call,
ladies and gentlemen. Thank you.
811
01:03:15,208 --> 01:03:18,373
♪ I'm in a stinky show
I'm in a stinky show
812
01:03:19,167 --> 01:03:21,454
No, no. No, no.
813
01:03:22,481 --> 01:03:24,520
OK. Here we go.
814
01:03:30,593 --> 01:03:33,129
OK, so I'll wait with the bag.
815
01:03:43,786 --> 01:03:46,358
Are you ready, Mr Hall?
816
01:03:47,435 --> 01:03:48,596
Perfectly.
817
01:03:54,708 --> 01:03:57,790
One minute to curtain up. Thank you.
818
01:04:00,723 --> 01:04:02,616
Shh! Be quiet!
819
01:04:19,112 --> 01:04:21,038
Thanks, Mike.
820
01:04:24,788 --> 01:04:28,199
Beginners in position.
The curtain is about to rise.
821
01:04:28,333 --> 01:04:34,304
Thank you. How kind. I've never had
a toothpick of my own before.
822
01:04:37,570 --> 01:04:39,038
Appendectomy!
823
01:04:39,830 --> 01:04:42,319
- This is Frank.
- Hello.
824
01:04:43,458 --> 01:04:46,077
Very sexy, very stupid.
825
01:04:47,000 --> 01:04:49,667
Go, smoke one...
826
01:04:49,799 --> 01:04:53,414
Go, smoke two...
Go, smoke three...
827
01:05:01,833 --> 01:05:05,531
Oh, my God. This is it.
Go, Dexter, go!
828
01:05:07,693 --> 01:05:10,911
Requiem.
829
01:05:12,958 --> 01:05:19,638
Requiem aeternam.
830
01:05:28,557 --> 01:05:30,430
Cut smoke. Thank you.
831
01:05:31,458 --> 01:05:35,784
♪ Fog
832
01:05:35,917 --> 01:05:40,373
♪ What a dreadful fog
833
01:05:42,062 --> 01:05:43,686
♪ Egads, milads
834
01:05:43,867 --> 01:05:46,403
♪ It's a real peasouper
835
01:05:49,333 --> 01:05:51,491
♪ Who knows what secrets
836
01:05:51,625 --> 01:05:54,684
♪ This darkness hides?
837
01:05:55,708 --> 01:05:57,913
♪ Who knows what horror
838
01:05:58,042 --> 01:06:02,166
♪ May lurk inside?
839
01:06:12,542 --> 01:06:17,875
- ♪ Roll up, roll up, it's compulsive
- ♪ Roll up! Roll up!
840
01:06:18,000 --> 01:06:20,919
♪ Roll up, roll up, he's repulsive
841
01:06:20,989 --> 01:06:25,373
- ♪ Roll up! Roll up!
- ♪ I hear he's strange as Halley's Comet
842
01:06:25,500 --> 01:06:28,866
♪ I hear he makes you want to vomit
843
01:06:30,630 --> 01:06:34,951
♪ Roll up, roll up, it's compulsive
Roll up, roll up!
844
01:06:35,200 --> 01:06:37,785
♪ If you think I'm strange
845
01:06:38,044 --> 01:06:40,288
♪ A lady with a beard
846
01:06:40,417 --> 01:06:43,284
♪ Take a look over there
847
01:06:43,417 --> 01:06:45,953
♪ He's really weird!
848
01:06:47,167 --> 01:06:49,536
♪ Roll up! Roll up!
As quick as you can
849
01:06:49,661 --> 01:06:52,528
♪ He looks like an elephant
And talks like a man
850
01:06:52,738 --> 01:06:55,388
♪ Roll up! Roll up!
The tent is busting
851
01:06:55,523 --> 01:06:58,889
♪ Here he comes! Mr Disgusting!
852
01:07:08,208 --> 01:07:10,282
♪ Take a deep breath
853
01:07:10,417 --> 01:07:12,905
♪ Prepare for the worst
854
01:07:13,223 --> 01:07:15,246
♪ The ugliest man
855
01:07:15,413 --> 01:07:19,490
♪ In the universe
856
01:07:31,333 --> 01:07:36,868
♪ I don't know
How to reach him
857
01:07:37,000 --> 01:07:40,781
♪ He's so distant
Like a priest or a monk
858
01:07:40,917 --> 01:07:46,914
♪ And just when I think he's staying...
859
01:07:50,000 --> 01:07:52,240
♪ I find out
860
01:07:52,375 --> 01:07:58,247
♪ He's packing his trunk.
861
01:09:09,667 --> 01:09:12,950
♪ He is a real man
862
01:09:14,167 --> 01:09:17,201
♪ Not an elephant!
863
01:09:19,267 --> 01:09:21,934
♪ Can he make it?
864
01:09:26,583 --> 01:09:29,250
♪ No, he can't!
865
01:09:32,625 --> 01:09:37,994
♪ Up soars his soul
866
01:09:38,273 --> 01:09:44,677
♪ Fleeing this world of tears
867
01:09:45,843 --> 01:09:48,332
♪ Somewhere
868
01:09:48,531 --> 01:09:51,861
♪ Up in heaven
869
01:09:51,918 --> 01:09:54,324
♪ There's an angel
870
01:09:54,559 --> 01:09:58,666
♪ With big ears
871
01:09:58,792 --> 01:10:01,542
♪ An angel
872
01:10:01,713 --> 01:10:07,876
♪ With big ears!
873
01:10:26,260 --> 01:10:28,926
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
874
01:10:30,015 --> 01:10:32,054
Cheers.
875
01:10:32,628 --> 01:10:34,998
Thank you very much.
876
01:10:36,104 --> 01:10:39,932
- Hey, Charlie. Nice tux.
- Thank you, Dex.
877
01:10:40,125 --> 01:10:45,280
I've spotted a woman. She is like
a hungry leopard in full blossom.
878
01:10:46,917 --> 01:10:49,405
Do you think I stand a chance?
879
01:10:49,888 --> 01:10:51,520
I mean, after all,
I am only a landlady.
880
01:10:52,417 --> 01:10:54,455
Yeah. Possibly, possibly.
881
01:10:55,449 --> 01:10:57,551
Darling, this is Mary Simmons,
Dexter's agent.
882
01:10:57,602 --> 01:10:58,610
Very touching.
883
01:10:58,661 --> 01:11:00,196
- And, er...
- Kate, Kate.
884
01:11:00,292 --> 01:11:01,606
This is my wife Cheryl.
885
01:11:01,657 --> 01:11:04,001
Hello. I thought you were
really good. Well done!
886
01:11:04,052 --> 01:11:06,718
Thanks very much.
Darling!
887
01:11:10,625 --> 01:11:13,410
- Are you OK?
- You were wonderful. Wonderful.
888
01:11:13,542 --> 01:11:16,078
- Hi.
- Thank you. Hi.
889
01:11:16,208 --> 01:11:18,247
Thank you. Good.
890
01:11:25,137 --> 01:11:28,539
Sorry I'm so late. Had some rather
special guests at my show tonight.
891
01:11:28,590 --> 01:11:30,919
It's difficult to tell the heir
to the throne to bugger off
892
01:11:30,970 --> 01:11:33,341
because you've got
a party to go to.
893
01:11:34,010 --> 01:11:39,927
Hello, Dexter. The word on the street
is that your makeup is just excellent.
894
01:11:42,917 --> 01:11:45,204
Well, what next?
895
01:11:45,333 --> 01:11:48,000
- Shakespeare.
- Oh, yes.
896
01:11:48,125 --> 01:11:50,413
Back to the bosom of the Bard.
897
01:11:50,542 --> 01:11:55,448
Yes. It's a musical, based on
Richard III, called Dirty Dick.
898
01:11:55,658 --> 01:11:57,282
Any hits?
899
01:11:57,450 --> 01:11:59,427
Well, there's one called...
900
01:11:59,478 --> 01:12:02,833
"I've Got a Hunch I'm Gonna be King"
that's sounding pretty good.
901
01:12:03,442 --> 01:12:05,497
I mean, it's so damn confusing.
902
01:12:05,864 --> 01:12:09,704
One day you're bowing and calling
him Your Highness, and the next...
903
01:12:09,755 --> 01:12:14,020
you're blind drunk and trying to stick
a toasted crumpet down his trousers.
904
01:12:15,403 --> 01:12:18,948
So anyway, I said to him
"Where should I send it to?"
905
01:12:19,138 --> 01:12:23,020
And he said "Just stick 'Buckingham
Palace' on the envelope. It'll get to me."
906
01:12:23,700 --> 01:12:28,075
- ♪ I've got a hunch I'm going to be king
- ♪ Doo-bi-doo
907
01:12:28,333 --> 01:12:31,539
♪ I'm Dirty Dick and killing's my thing
908
01:12:31,690 --> 01:12:34,771
Gadzooks!
909
01:12:38,125 --> 01:12:41,124
Excuse me.
You were... brilliant.
910
01:12:41,367 --> 01:12:44,483
- You were just... brilliant.
- Thank you very much.
911
01:12:49,582 --> 01:12:52,223
All right. Lovely.
912
01:12:56,259 --> 01:12:58,763
Thank God that's over.
913
01:13:00,208 --> 01:13:03,076
- You were very good.
- Ah.
914
01:13:03,145 --> 01:13:04,200
Although, look at this...
915
01:13:04,251 --> 01:13:07,841
I think people could have been a
little more original with the presents.
916
01:13:08,042 --> 01:13:11,692
Six Babars, three Dumbos
and two Celestes.
917
01:13:11,770 --> 01:13:14,576
But wait, I'll show you something.
Look at this.
918
01:13:14,817 --> 01:13:17,541
You want to see odd? A pig.
919
01:13:17,667 --> 01:13:20,582
What is the pig person thinking about?
920
01:13:20,708 --> 01:13:23,245
Well, maybe they'd run out of elephants.
921
01:13:23,461 --> 01:13:25,914
There you go. Maybe so.
922
01:13:27,250 --> 01:13:30,201
- What are you doing?
- I'm packing a case.
923
01:13:30,598 --> 01:13:32,704
Why are you doing that?
924
01:13:32,833 --> 01:13:36,329
Because I'm leaving here
and I'm not coming back.
925
01:13:40,542 --> 01:13:42,616
What? What? Why?
926
01:13:42,750 --> 01:13:45,966
Because you've been having
an affair with that lady, Cheryl.
927
01:13:48,062 --> 01:13:50,442
If you try and deny it,
it will be very grim.
928
01:13:50,505 --> 01:13:52,528
It's true, isn't it?
929
01:13:57,125 --> 01:13:59,247
It's not an affair.
930
01:13:59,421 --> 01:14:00,879
Ah.
931
01:14:00,958 --> 01:14:02,997
Who told you?
932
01:14:03,567 --> 01:14:07,434
Um well... she did, really.
Tonight, while we were at the party.
933
01:14:07,575 --> 01:14:10,063
Because you went up to her,
and you handed her a drink.
934
01:14:10,417 --> 01:14:15,833
And, um... she didn't say thank you,
or... she didn't even smile.
935
01:14:16,208 --> 01:14:17,208
She just took it.
936
01:14:17,259 --> 01:14:20,673
You've got to know somebody very well
indeed for something like that to happen.
937
01:14:20,917 --> 01:14:22,419
It's an act
of collusion.
938
01:14:23,497 --> 01:14:25,196
And also,
now I come to think of it,
939
01:14:25,247 --> 01:14:29,705
whenever you mention her name you pause,
worried you've given something away.
940
01:14:29,841 --> 01:14:31,348
Gavin, the director,
the producer,
941
01:14:31,404 --> 01:14:34,435
everybody from the cast,
Timothy, Cheryl, uh...
942
01:14:35,542 --> 01:14:39,405
Cyprus Charlie, who I've managed to get
in the company as my personal dresser.
943
01:14:41,417 --> 01:14:43,216
Those were your only clues?
944
01:14:44,208 --> 01:14:46,780
You said you liked me
because I was clever.
945
01:14:46,831 --> 01:14:50,256
Anyway, I'm sure we'll meet again
next time you plan to go to Morocco.
946
01:14:50,307 --> 01:14:54,994
No. This is stupid. I mean, it's over.
And it meant nothing.
947
01:14:55,099 --> 01:14:56,349
Yeah, but unfortunately...
948
01:14:56,400 --> 01:14:58,443
while it was going on
I meant nothing too, didn't I?
949
01:14:58,494 --> 01:15:00,486
And I'm worth more than
nothing, aren't I?
950
01:15:00,588 --> 01:15:02,096
Yes!
951
01:15:02,667 --> 01:15:04,373
So.
952
01:15:06,500 --> 01:15:08,740
Bye-bye.
Take care.
953
01:15:11,083 --> 01:15:13,951
And by the way, the pig was from me.
954
01:15:24,895 --> 01:15:27,017
♪ Take a deep breath
955
01:15:27,322 --> 01:15:29,702
♪ Prepare for the worst
956
01:15:29,900 --> 01:15:32,156
♪ The stupidest man
957
01:15:32,385 --> 01:15:35,799
♪ In the universe
958
01:15:50,135 --> 01:15:51,650
That's fair.
959
01:16:12,792 --> 01:16:14,617
Hi.
960
01:16:27,208 --> 01:16:30,076
Er, yeah, hi, Dexter. I...
961
01:16:30,208 --> 01:16:32,697
Dexter, look, I...
962
01:16:32,857 --> 01:16:34,744
Oh, look, for fu-
963
01:16:46,125 --> 01:16:48,875
Good evening
and welcome to After Dark.
964
01:16:49,000 --> 01:16:51,667
Tonight we're having
a look at infidelity.
965
01:16:51,792 --> 01:16:55,785
All of our guests here tonight
have in some way been unfaithful.
966
01:16:56,002 --> 01:16:58,574
First, Cecil Parkinson...
967
01:17:01,875 --> 01:17:05,075
♪ If you go then I'll be blue
968
01:17:05,208 --> 01:17:07,958
♪ Cos breaking up is hard to do...
969
01:17:10,375 --> 01:17:14,452
♪ I've got my pride
and I know how to hide
970
01:17:14,583 --> 01:17:17,867
♪ All my sorrow and pain
971
01:17:18,000 --> 01:17:21,532
♪ I'll do my cryin' in the rain
972
01:17:23,387 --> 01:17:28,376
♪ So let the heartaches begin...
973
01:17:30,792 --> 01:17:33,115
♪ Well, since my baby left me
974
01:17:33,250 --> 01:17:36,082
♪ I've found a new...
975
01:17:36,572 --> 01:17:38,970
♪ I can't win
976
01:17:39,213 --> 01:17:43,174
♪ I've lost that girl for sure...
977
01:17:43,533 --> 01:17:46,990
You know, two months ago
I had everything.
978
01:17:47,208 --> 01:17:50,076
I had a girl I loved,
who loved me.
979
01:17:51,667 --> 01:17:53,705
Now...
980
01:17:53,833 --> 01:17:57,615
You and me on a bench.
That's what I have.
981
01:17:58,720 --> 01:18:02,169
- I love you, Dex.
- Oh. Thanks, Charlie.
982
01:18:03,017 --> 01:18:06,174
I know it's not quite the same,
but at least it's something.
983
01:18:08,792 --> 01:18:11,707
Oh, my Lord. Mr Morrow.
984
01:18:11,833 --> 01:18:14,038
Mr Morrow?
985
01:18:14,291 --> 01:18:16,639
Is that the voice of
Dexter King I hear?
986
01:18:16,752 --> 01:18:20,248
- Yes, it is. This is Charlie.
- How do you do?
987
01:18:20,517 --> 01:18:23,202
What do you look like?
Nice to have an image.
988
01:18:23,395 --> 01:18:26,533
- I look like Anthony Quinn.
- Oh.
989
01:18:28,453 --> 01:18:30,692
Have a seat, Mr Morrow.
990
01:18:36,167 --> 01:18:39,829
And what subject
are we discussing on this fine day?
991
01:18:39,958 --> 01:18:43,040
- Love.
- Ah, boys.
992
01:18:44,458 --> 01:18:47,540
Do you want my advice
on questions of love?
993
01:18:49,083 --> 01:18:50,410
Yes.
994
01:18:50,542 --> 01:18:53,409
My advice is "go blind".
995
01:18:55,042 --> 01:18:56,947
Best thing that
ever happened to me.
996
01:18:56,998 --> 01:19:00,510
Since 1944, every girl
I've spent time with
997
01:19:00,583 --> 01:19:03,369
looks the spitting image
of Mae West.
998
01:19:03,595 --> 01:19:05,649
You think tearing our eyes out
is the answer?
999
01:19:05,792 --> 01:19:08,115
Every time.
1000
01:19:08,398 --> 01:19:10,436
Drink, anyone?
1001
01:19:11,208 --> 01:19:13,247
Thanks.
1002
01:19:16,822 --> 01:19:19,821
I suggest we get
well and truly hammered.
1003
01:19:20,792 --> 01:19:25,947
There's nothing fights despair so
effectively as getting totally pissed.
1004
01:19:33,292 --> 01:19:37,333
Well, it's happening.
I'm going to spend the rest of my life
1005
01:19:37,458 --> 01:19:42,792
pretending to be an elephant and sharing
my bed with a small squeaky pig.
1006
01:19:43,817 --> 01:19:46,784
This is for you, John.
And the rabbit.
1007
01:19:46,917 --> 01:19:49,405
- What's this?
- Thank you.
1008
01:19:50,408 --> 01:19:52,919
Shouldn't all these people
be doing shows tonight?
1009
01:19:53,130 --> 01:19:54,786
It was yesterday.
1010
01:19:56,333 --> 01:19:59,332
Who knows, Dex?
Maybe next year you'll be up there.
1011
01:19:59,458 --> 01:20:02,622
Yeah. Best performance
in the role of a pachyderm.
1012
01:20:02,673 --> 01:20:08,034
The nominations for the award
for the best comedy performance are:
1013
01:20:08,167 --> 01:20:11,367
Michael Gambon in "Arms and the Man",
1014
01:20:11,500 --> 01:20:16,490
Penelope Keith in Alan Ayckbourn's
"The Madwoman of Staines",
1015
01:20:16,625 --> 01:20:20,536
Griff Rhys Jones in "Whoops Hamlet"
1016
01:20:20,667 --> 01:20:24,199
and Ron Anderson
in the "Rubber Face Revue".
1017
01:20:24,333 --> 01:20:26,372
Boo! Boo!
1018
01:20:27,052 --> 01:20:28,704
And the winner is...
1019
01:20:28,973 --> 01:20:31,723
Come on, Michael.
Come on, Griff. Come on, Penny!
1020
01:20:31,896 --> 01:20:35,075
- Ron Anderson.
- No! Oh...
1021
01:20:41,125 --> 01:20:42,831
What?
1022
01:20:42,919 --> 01:20:44,958
Oh, no!
1023
01:20:46,708 --> 01:20:48,202
That... is it.
1024
01:20:48,333 --> 01:20:50,708
That's it!
I... She... It...
1025
01:20:52,192 --> 01:20:55,870
Charlie, ever dream
of being a West-End star?
1026
01:20:56,059 --> 01:20:59,663
- Oh, no! No, no, Dex!
- Yes! No one will know the difference.
1027
01:20:59,934 --> 01:21:05,244
But they will! I'm short, you're tall.
You can act, I can't speak English.
1028
01:21:05,520 --> 01:21:10,365
Yes, but you can drool,
which is crucial in this part.
1029
01:21:11,458 --> 01:21:13,829
In that chair you look like...
1030
01:21:14,036 --> 01:21:16,786
a young Olivier.
1031
01:21:18,917 --> 01:21:21,784
Vengeance shall be mine.
1032
01:21:31,500 --> 01:21:34,700
What in the name of Judas lscariot's
bum boy is going on?!
1033
01:21:34,809 --> 01:21:37,644
I'll tell you what!
First you waste five years of my life.
1034
01:21:37,719 --> 01:21:39,961
Then you take the one thing
in the world I really care about.
1035
01:21:40,012 --> 01:21:42,762
- Your bicycle?
- No. No! Kate.
1036
01:21:43,042 --> 01:21:45,700
You've stopped my show
to talk about her?!
1037
01:21:45,825 --> 01:21:49,116
- You're damned right I have.
- You're welcome to her, Dumbo!
1038
01:21:49,250 --> 01:21:51,490
I never laid hands
on the damn woman.
1039
01:21:51,625 --> 01:21:54,991
- You didn't sleep with her?
- No, I bloody did not!
1040
01:21:55,216 --> 01:21:58,124
I take her out,
spend a king's ransom on dinner,
1041
01:21:58,250 --> 01:22:02,541
win an award for being the best bloody
comedian in the history of the world,
1042
01:22:02,778 --> 01:22:04,785
and what do I get?
Bloody nothing!
1043
01:22:04,843 --> 01:22:06,965
- Are these your trousers?
- Yes they are!
1044
01:22:07,458 --> 01:22:12,614
Does no one have any respect
for major comic talent these days?
1045
01:22:12,763 --> 01:22:14,824
This sort of shit never
happened to Charlie Chaplin.
1046
01:22:14,875 --> 01:22:16,914
- These your car keys?
- Yes!
1047
01:22:17,042 --> 01:22:21,332
Why don't you just face it, King?
You're worthless and weak.
1048
01:22:21,458 --> 01:22:23,598
And the chances of you
getting a girlfriend...
1049
01:22:23,856 --> 01:22:27,903
without the help of a nuclear war that
wipes out the entire male population...
1050
01:22:27,954 --> 01:22:29,741
of the planet,
are frankly pretty remote.
1051
01:22:30,050 --> 01:22:31,973
Thanks, Ron. I don't think
I've ever told you
1052
01:22:32,024 --> 01:22:34,665
how much I've cherished your unstinting
honesty towards me over the years.
1053
01:22:34,716 --> 01:22:36,948
This is, of course,
your dressing room key?
1054
01:22:37,083 --> 01:22:38,541
- It might be.
- Great.
1055
01:22:38,794 --> 01:22:42,448
Wait! Wait, you can't leave me here!
I've got a show to do!
1056
01:22:42,591 --> 01:22:45,380
Don't worry. You're the best
bloody comedian in the world.
1057
01:22:45,431 --> 01:22:46,888
They'll wait for you.
1058
01:22:48,667 --> 01:22:51,131
One last thing.
This may just be a rumour,
1059
01:22:51,182 --> 01:22:55,708
but I hear that Prince Charles thinks
you're a toadying, snivelling suck-butt.
1060
01:22:59,125 --> 01:23:00,831
No!
1061
01:23:11,583 --> 01:23:14,618
♪ Here he comes! Mr Disgusting!
1062
01:23:22,292 --> 01:23:24,496
♪ Take a deep breath
1063
01:23:24,625 --> 01:23:27,161
♪ Prepare for the worst
1064
01:23:27,292 --> 01:23:29,496
♪ The ugliest man
1065
01:23:29,625 --> 01:23:33,434
♪ In the universe
1066
01:23:44,125 --> 01:23:45,950
No! No!
1067
01:23:54,042 --> 01:23:55,997
Sorry.
1068
01:23:56,125 --> 01:23:58,282
90, 95, 100...
1069
01:23:58,417 --> 01:24:00,989
Yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip!
1070
01:24:22,053 --> 01:24:25,506
Excuse me, sir. Have you any idea
what speed you were doing?
1071
01:24:25,609 --> 01:24:27,397
Yes. Sorry. I've got
to get to the hospital.
1072
01:24:27,499 --> 01:24:29,523
Oh, my God, yes!
You poor thing.
1073
01:24:57,250 --> 01:24:59,289
Stand back, sir.
1074
01:25:25,125 --> 01:25:27,993
Anita, have you got those
X-rays, please? Thank you.
1075
01:25:28,225 --> 01:25:29,784
Bob.
1076
01:25:29,994 --> 01:25:32,033
Too late. He's dead.
1077
01:25:33,958 --> 01:25:35,882
I've got to talk to you.
1078
01:25:36,194 --> 01:25:39,316
Imposs, now. There's been a bad smash on
the M40. You're going to have to wait.
1079
01:25:39,367 --> 01:25:41,999
- But...
- Wait, adulterer!
1080
01:25:43,792 --> 01:25:47,490
You should get some treatment
for that ear before you go.
1081
01:25:48,375 --> 01:25:50,414
Oh.
1082
01:25:55,125 --> 01:25:58,455
- I couldn't wait any longer.
- What do you want, then?
1083
01:25:58,583 --> 01:26:01,285
You. Desperately.
1084
01:26:01,417 --> 01:26:04,913
"Desperately" indeed.
What do you know about despair?
1085
01:26:05,077 --> 01:26:06,327
Look at these two.
1086
01:26:06,378 --> 01:26:08,893
This one will probably be dead
before the 10 o'clock news.
1087
01:26:08,945 --> 01:26:11,944
- Who, me?
- Yes. Shh.
1088
01:26:17,417 --> 01:26:20,284
Would you at least
have dinner with me?
1089
01:26:21,250 --> 01:26:23,158
Why?
1090
01:26:24,042 --> 01:26:26,080
Because I love you.
1091
01:26:26,208 --> 01:26:30,748
And because I'm almost 40,
and I'm a tall American
1092
01:26:31,542 --> 01:26:35,915
whose entire career consists
of playing sidekicks and circus freaks.
1093
01:26:36,186 --> 01:26:39,953
Who doesn't belong anywhere...
except by your side.
1094
01:26:40,854 --> 01:26:44,137
And you're all I have
to show for life so far.
1095
01:26:47,583 --> 01:26:49,290
- Aw.
- Excuse me, nurse.
1096
01:26:49,400 --> 01:26:53,524
But aren't you meant to be helping me?
I am in some pain, actually.
1097
01:26:55,000 --> 01:26:56,843
I will help you
when I see fit.
1098
01:26:57,155 --> 01:26:59,643
You forfeited the right to being
treated in a reasonable manner
1099
01:26:59,694 --> 01:27:03,209
when you made the decision to put
a vacuum cleaner pipe up your bottom.
1100
01:27:03,578 --> 01:27:05,782
What happened to
the ugly actress?
1101
01:27:05,833 --> 01:27:08,666
She's sleeping with
the fire-eater.
1102
01:27:08,792 --> 01:27:10,830
Just dinner?
1103
01:27:11,583 --> 01:27:12,698
Well...
1104
01:27:12,833 --> 01:27:14,374
- Nurse, nurse!
- Oh, God!
1105
01:27:14,593 --> 01:27:16,704
Get the crash team!
Get the crash team!
1106
01:27:16,833 --> 01:27:20,171
Dammit! Mr Worthall, come on!
Come on!
1107
01:27:20,249 --> 01:27:23,275
Dexter, help me! Help me!
Give him the kiss of life!
1108
01:27:23,334 --> 01:27:27,791
- Kiss of life? What's the kiss of life?
- Get on. Get on there! Come on! Move it!
1109
01:27:27,991 --> 01:27:29,567
Now push! Push!
Come on.
1110
01:27:29,708 --> 01:27:32,079
Ow! No, you push, I kiss.
1111
01:27:32,272 --> 01:27:34,875
- Come on! Push now! That's it.
- Push!
1112
01:27:35,069 --> 01:27:39,160
Come on, Bob! It can't be that hard!
Breathe, you bastard!
1113
01:27:39,292 --> 01:27:41,496
- Breathe!
- Getting there.
1114
01:27:41,750 --> 01:27:44,999
- Yes! Yes! Yes!
-Yeah! Oh, yeah! Ohh...
1115
01:27:47,208 --> 01:27:49,296
Well... Well done, sir.
1116
01:27:49,940 --> 01:27:52,393
Did she say yes or no?
1117
01:27:54,625 --> 01:27:57,244
Go on. Or I'll die again.
1118
01:27:57,375 --> 01:27:59,947
Yeah, give him another chance.
You're only young once.
1119
01:28:00,021 --> 01:28:02,888
Go on. You might be
hit by a bus tomorrow.
1120
01:28:07,333 --> 01:28:10,415
Please?
Just dinner, to let me explain?
1121
01:28:15,667 --> 01:28:19,246
I was a complete,
total, utter idiot.
1122
01:28:21,042 --> 01:28:25,284
I've learned my lesson completely.
Totally. Utterly.
1123
01:28:28,875 --> 01:28:31,079
- Just dinner?
- I promise.
1124
01:28:33,375 --> 01:28:35,163
What...
1125
01:28:36,127 --> 01:28:38,166
no sex at the end?
1126
01:28:39,500 --> 01:28:42,416
Well, maybe.
Sex...
1127
01:28:42,650 --> 01:28:45,436
Yes.
All right, if you insist.
1128
01:28:50,939 --> 01:28:52,632
OK, then.
1129
01:30:02,792 --> 01:30:05,908
♪ I never thought I'd miss you
1130
01:30:06,042 --> 01:30:07,748
♪ Half as much
1131
01:30:07,875 --> 01:30:09,914
♪ As I do
1132
01:30:15,833 --> 01:30:18,998
♪ And I never thought I'd feel this way
1133
01:30:19,125 --> 01:30:21,116
♪ The way I feel
1134
01:30:21,250 --> 01:30:23,289
♪ About you
1135
01:30:28,958 --> 01:30:30,997
♪ As soon as I wake up
1136
01:30:31,125 --> 01:30:33,792
♪ Every night, every day
1137
01:30:35,583 --> 01:30:37,906
♪ I know that it's you I need
1138
01:30:38,042 --> 01:30:40,708
♪ To take the blues away
1139
01:30:42,042 --> 01:30:45,123
♪ It must be love, love, love
1140
01:30:47,000 --> 01:30:50,081
♪ It must be love, love, love
1141
01:30:51,458 --> 01:30:53,698
♪ Nothing more, nothing less
1142
01:30:53,833 --> 01:30:56,073
♪ Love is the best
1143
01:31:23,612 --> 01:31:25,437
♪ As soon as I wake up
1144
01:31:25,601 --> 01:31:28,469
♪ Every night, every day
1145
01:31:30,000 --> 01:31:32,288
♪ I know that it's you I need
1146
01:31:32,518 --> 01:31:35,517
♪ To take the blues away
1147
01:31:36,437 --> 01:31:39,886
♪ It must be love, love, love
1148
01:31:41,416 --> 01:31:44,865
♪ It must be love, love, love
1149
01:31:46,328 --> 01:31:49,693
♪ It must be love, love, love